Tag: Nigeria

Kemi Adeosun: Beyond a Resignation

Kemi Adeosun: Beyond a Resignation

It is no longer news that Mrs Folakemi Adeosun is no longer the Nigerian Minister of Finance. If like Jesus on the way to Emmaus, you are unaware of the events surrounding her exit, you might want to read the Premium Times (PT) article that set off the stack of dominoes. While Nigerians continue discussing her exit, amidst insinuations that the announcement was timed to obfuscate President Buhari’s latest SSS appointment, my view is that her resignation should not be an end in itself but rather, the start of a reflective process.  Continue reading “Kemi Adeosun: Beyond a Resignation”

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S for Sarcasm Unscripted

S for Sarcasm Unscripted

Prologue: The following is a redacted chat between some members of a certain WhatsApp group. The banter is around President Buhari’s candidacy in the 2019 election. I decided to turn the transcript into a blog post. Only members of that group can identify the participants. If the “S” in “Sarcasm” has not already informed you, please be aware the following conversation is intended for humour.

‪Amadi: We have decided not to work on ourselves, hence no single man of competence (integrity and character) to lead the country out of the abyss.

That’s why it is the same set of people that keep recycling.

Imagine Obasanjo of all people running helter-skelter to form alliance so that he’ll continue to gain relevance and call the shots. What does he want to improve by his protege that he could not have done during his 12-year reign?

Bobby: Don’t mind that man jare. We will shock him. We will vote for Buhari to continue to move the country forward.

Out of 200 million people, how can we not have one competent person that will seize power from those tyrants. Buhari at his old age managed to do so and all they do is criticize the poor man.

Charles: You sha won’t blind yourself with this “light” you’re always seeing.

Bobby: 😡😡😡😡Don’t spoil my post with your sarcasm.

I’m serious at the moment please.

Even after transforming Abuja into a mini-London with state-of-the-art train system, your religious and ethnic bias still blinds you to the fact that the old man means business.

You guys never cease to amaze me.

Desmond: Don’t mind these ungrateful Nigerians.

Bobby: It’s until he builds train to the moon you’ll agree he’s working abi?

Desmond: An old man who should be chilling with his great grandchildren brought himself forward to deliver this country out of the abyss, yet some unpatriotic rabble-rousers choose to malign his every move.

Bobby: I wonder o

Desmond: They don’t want to adulate the days of little beginnings😒

Evans: How come I never see these things? 🤔

Bobby: Ethnic and religious bias na

At least, Buhari is still trying. What did Obj do when he was there?

Desmond: As long as you now see, we can forgive you. Go and sin no more

Bobby: Obj is even worse. He did nothing for his hometown (Abeokuta) when he was there. At least Buhari is fighting for grazing land for his kinsmen.

Desmond: $16 billion and no single wire was bought by him.

Bobby: Abi o….

Desmond: We have to appreciate Buhari, the only incorruptible Messiah sent by God to rescue Nigeria from the fraudsters of the last 16 years. The only guy who had to borrow money to buy his presidential form.

Imagine the patriotism! He was willing to risk being in debt just because of his undying love for us. I feel like crying at this point. I’m just overwhelmed by this new enlightenment😥

Sai Buhari! Sai Baba forever…

Charles: I envy you guys with opened veils beholding the wonders of Buhari o

What must I do to be saved?

I really envy you guys

Desmond: Brother, believe in God and you shall make it. Believe in Buhari his chosen Messiah and Nigeria shall be established. Let go of your sinful ways and thoughts. Only behold the beauty that is the righteousness of Buhari.

Come and taste and see that Buhari is good.

Charles: No confession?

Like something to repeat after you?

Desmond: It’s not about repetition. It’s in you. Once you come into the manifestation of the light, you would know a joy that passes all understanding. That’s nirvana where you no longer think about that visa you applied for but trust wholeheartedly in Buhari to deliver Nigeria into a state of bliss.

Charles: I’M HOME.

EUREKA!!!

Desmond: I’m happy you’re gradually seeing the light. Just keep your eyes fixed on that shiny spot.

Charles: I BELIEVE

I’m a new Buharian. I’m proud to be one. I will shout this to the ends of the earth.

Are there manuals I can read, so that I can grow more as a baby Buharian?

Evans: Start watching NTA. Recommended for beginners.

Charles: OK sir. I would appreciate more suggestions.

Someone told me I should listen regularly to one Prophet Lai. Hope it won’t be too much for me sir?

Please I don’t want to get “light” constipation o.

Fidelis: Yeeeeessssssss!

My brothers have seen the light!

I’ve been saying this for too long.

I kept the faith! Now I have brethren in the faith.

Someone that is over 70 (perfection X 10) – for those that understand the language of the spirit, came to sacrifice his retirement period for the survival of our fatherland. He’s not only president but also minister of petroleum. Double honour!

When he was terribly sick, where others would have resigned and given up, he kept the faith in himself and came back continue the rescue mission.

Completing the projects of previous administrations. That is, places where he couldn’t be alpha, he ensured he was omega.

How many people can boast of that?

Evans: No one, Mai bródà

Fidelis: The greatest achievement is that now our place in the committee of nations has been elevated. The whole of Africa, using our road map to fight corruption in their countries.

We’re the pacesetters.

We’re the trailblazers.

A country set upon a hill that can never be hidden.

I leave you all with the greatest song of victory and doggedness!

Sai Baba! Sai Buhari! 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾

Evans: 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽

G.O.: It is well with your souls🤷🏽‍♂

Brethren, close your eyes in deep sleep tonight for you have beholden the wonders that true light shows. May these newly found lights of yours never grow dim. #ItIsWell

Epilogue: Whereas the interaction above seems like a drama script. It was totally unplanned. A group of persons were discussing the state of politics in Nigeria and one response just led to another. Knowing that codeine has been banned in Nigeria, it is possible that the participants were victims of second-hand marijuana smoke.

Image Credit: auselt.com

None of Two Evils

None of Two Evils

Let me begin with a quote attributed to Howard Dean: “I’m just disappointed that once again, we may have to settle for the lesser of two evils.” This quote was issued with respect to the 2004 US Elections. Applying this quote to Nigeria, especially in light of the fast-approaching general elections, a reader would be forgiven for quickly linking it to the presidential election. However, that is not my intention here. The presidential election, unlike some would argue, is not a choice between two evils.  Continue reading “None of Two Evils”

SARS: When Lawlessness is the Law

SARS: When Lawlessness is the Law

“Beware that, when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become a monster… for when you gaze long into the abyss. The abyss gazes also into you.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche

There is this crude joke by some Nigerians that should they find themselves being sentenced to hell, they would argue that God should not cause double jeopardy since their lifetime in Nigeria was spent in hell. While this joke may seem out of place, it highlights what some (maybe many) Nigerians think about living in a country where illegality is legal.  Continue reading “SARS: When Lawlessness is the Law”

Alex Ekwueme: Asking the Wrong Questions

Alex Ekwueme: Asking the Wrong Questions

In his book, Gravity’s Rainbow, Thomas Pynchon added a thought-provoking quote: “If they can get you asking the wrong questions, they don’t have to worry about answers.” Getting citizens to look at the wrong places has been a key operating principle for governments around the world disinterested in true accountability nor doing right by their citizens. Trying to get at a problem without asking the right questions is like trying to diagnose pregnancy by asking if a mosquito recently bit a lady. Unfortunately, Nigerians flirt with such irrelevant questioning.  Continue reading “Alex Ekwueme: Asking the Wrong Questions”

A Tale of a Corrupt Saint

A Tale of a Corrupt Saint

What better quote to start this article than one by Vladimir Putin: “Those who fight corruption should be clean themselves.” In case you’re wondering if this was said by the famous (or infamous) Russian president, allow me to calm your nerves. Even I hoped this Putin is the Putin we love to hate, and alas he is the author of this starter quote. I think Putin preaching against corruption is like a beautiful oxymoron. That’s why this quote launches today’s article about Nigeria’s corrupt saint.  Continue reading “A Tale of a Corrupt Saint”

Another Independence Day

Another Independence Day

Here we are again at another start to the month of October. For most people around the world, October is just the first day of the tenth month for each year, but in Nigeria, it is a day to mark the country’s shift from a colonial serfdom to an independent entity. Go throughout the length and breadth of Nigeria and the views of Nigerians would likely range from intense optimism to resigned dejection. On my part, herein lies my own view.  Continue reading “Another Independence Day”