Politics

All Eyes on Paddington

Contemporary dictionaries list “Paddington” as “a surname”, “a district of London”, and “a railway station” in London”. However, seeing that some dictionaries have given special privilege to Nigeria, by providing another definition for “bunkering”, consistent with the Nigerian reality, it is time to extend such special status to “Paddington” to reflect its Nigerianness. 

Continue reading “All Eyes on Paddington”

Politics

​Farmers’ Protection Force

Despite not being the largest mammals, humans are reputed for having the largest cerebral cortex to brain size ratio, and the least ratio of brain mass to body mass. The slushy mass of fluid and nerves provides humans with our greatest asset—the ability to outthink other living creatures. While some persons use this innate ability to “think out of the box” and creatively push the frontiers of thought, for some persons, even a one-inch-square box is too big a thinking space.  Continue reading “​Farmers’ Protection Force”

Inspiration, Politics

​The Heaven Called Immunity

Intro: This piece is about the drive by federal lawmakers to grant themselves immunity from prosecution. Although this form of writing isn’t my forte, I felt like doing something different from my usual direct articles.


My name is Peter Mohammed Ifa. I am a full-blooded Nigerian representing my people, Nigeria Constituency I at the Senatorial Council of Representatives. On March 28, 2015, I made my people think they willingly chose me as their sole ambassador at the distinguished council. Since then, I and fellow council members have been on a journey to get heaven’s key.

Continue reading “​The Heaven Called Immunity”

Change, Politics

#BlackLivesMatter: Ending the Loop

In the 1960s, Martin Luther King and other civil rights activists led the charge for the right of black Americans to be treated as human beings. Their efforts would later pave the way for the erudite Barack Obama to ascend the US presidency. Fifty years after MLK, “Americans of colour” are still fighting to stay alive. Maybe this is a clear case of discrimination, or maybe the issues are more intertwined than is being accepted.  Continue reading “#BlackLivesMatter: Ending the Loop”

Politics

Honourable Madness

Gentlemen and Ladies, we present to you the Senate of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, styled after the ancient Roman Senate. However, in the spirit of modernization, we resolved to alter the Roman culture of having only illustrious citizens in the Senate. Hence, in order to have a Senate that is truly representative of the Nigerian population, we have assembled some of the best misfits, thugs and megalomaniacs. We have even added a few rapists to spice up proceedings, knowing that nothing beats violence on the floor of the hallowed red chamber. Continue reading “Honourable Madness”

Politics

Rich Dad, Poor Hawker

​By democracy’s famous definition, it is taken for granted that the government exists for the sake of the people, that it is simply a means through which a group of people govern themselves. However, governments repeatedly execute policies that are apparently anti-people, providing the impression that the people are deliberately undoing themselves, like a snake biting its own tail. This paradox is easily redefined if one redefines government to be for the elites. That’s the form of government causing discontent across the world. 

If governments were truly (and seen to be) working for the benefit of their general populations, names like Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump would not exist in the political sphere. Neither would there be terms like Brexit. Bringing this down to Nigeria, in virtually every election season, the major charge contenders bring against subsisting officials is that their stay in office did not benefit “the people”. Although this is sometimes political bullshit, many times, the challengers are right, as existing officials take decisions that harm the very people they are supposedly serving. See the example of Lagos State. 

The Lagos State government, headed by Gov. Akinwunmi Ambode, recently announced a ban on street trading. The government indicated its passion to implement a law that was passed in 2003, but left in the government’s vault for thirteen years. The law’s overwhelming deterrent is the prescription of a ₦90,000 fine or a six-month jail term for both buyers and sellers of hawked products. What is the government’s reason? 

The LASG hinged its decision on the argument that street trading is a menace, an eye sore in the melting pot of Nigerian commerce. For a city hoping to compete with the world’s top commercial centres, the government feels the streets have to mimic London or Tokyo to attract investors. The government also argues that street traders are linked to a number of crimes, robbery inclusive. Hence, getting them off the streets would make Lagos safer. Some persons point to the recent death of a street hawker while escaping from government officials, and the attendant destruction that followed as motivation for the government. Also on the government’s offence chart is the involvement of children in trading activities. These children would now be free to attend school. Finally, the government argues that there are shops available for traders. For a tax-loving government, having people in shops provides a wider tax base. 

It is time to look at the government’s reasons critically. To start with, while accepting that it is good to make Lagos attractive for investors, forgetting the economic realities of Lagosians is a grievous sin. Can the unemployment rate in Lagos be compared with that of London, Frankfurt or New York? The government should have looked at the reasons people are willing to risk their lives to chase after vehicles on the road. If they had better alternatives, the hawkers themselves would disappear. For millions of Nigerians, street trading is a legitimate means of survival, allowing them to stay away from crime. 

Talking about crime, pinning street crimes on traders is a disservice to truth and fairness. Statisticians usually talk about sample size, ensuring that a sample is truly representative of the population being studied. Else, erroneous conclusions are inevitable. How many hawkers are in Lagos? What percentage of those hawkers are involved in crime (apart from the crime of hawking to survive)? Is it plausible to push thousands of hawkers off the streets and expect a safer Lagos? Has an idle mind ceased being the devil’s beloved workshop? As research and reality have shown, when humans are cornered, they can do anything to survive; legality being unimportant. With the enforcement of the ban on street trading, many pundits expect an increase in crime. An upsurge in theft and kidnapping may become the new reality in Lagos. 

The issue of children’s involvement in hawking is one area where the government may appear to have the moral upper hand. While I agree that every child needs formal education, I don’t agree that banning hawking is the way to force them into schools. Are children hawking because they wish to, or are they being forced by their parents or guardians? Instead of banning everyone, why not say children should not be seen on the streets during school hours. But first, since poverty is at the root of hawking, the government has to guarantee that the child of a knife sharpener can access education without the impediment of finance. Then, the government can prosecute parents/guardians for withholding their children from free education. This is a better approach, not the knee-jerk action of using a hot slap to kill a mosquito. 

STV recently aired footage of a newly-built shopping complex that has remained empty for months. How do you expect sellers of Lacasera and Gala to afford shops that cost above ₦10,000 per month? Some of them don’t even make profits of ₦10,000 in an entire month. This is simply elitist self-service; asking pauperized hawkers to rent shops. To start with, their target market is on the move, not some fancy shoppers with plenty of time to pick and twist. If the government can donate “free shops”, then maybe, it would have some moral leverage to sue for empty streets. Instead of telling them to rent overtly expensive shops, the government should have just copied a certain governor to say, “Go and die!” For taxes, the government can make use of unionism, get hawkers unionized in different areas, and negotiate a fixed tax. That way, LASG can see more revenue to spend on developing Lagos.

Finally, from my experience in Lagos and discussions with some Lagosians, the government may be fighting a battle that punishes the generality of Lagosians—elites and non-elites. Although Lagos is Nigeria’s smallest state, Lagosians spend hours on the roads shuttling from one part of the state to another. Being Nigeria’s revered capital of traffic congestion, commuters spend hours trapped in traffic. This is where hawkers come in, bringing life-saving consumables and hankies during hot periods. Did Ambode check how many lives have been saved by hawked products before implementing the ban? If Ambode doesn’t want hawkers, he should solve Lagos’s traffic problems. If vehicles are continuously on the move, hawkers would have limited time to approach commuters. It is wickedness to have a three-hour congestion, and then punish road users for seeking relief, and also punish the shiny-armoured knights that bring the relief. Haba! Even the devil allowed the rich man to beg Abraham for water. 

This implemented ban is an expression of a government that claims to seek the good of the entire citizenry, while actually serving a small section of the population. While making life more convenient for the elite, the less endowed should not be dumped. If the poor have no peace, the elite should expect to have a taste of the misery. Eko o ni baje oo! 

Image Credit: polyp.org.uk

Change, Politics

Seat Fillers or Potential Legacies?

In a hierarchical society, the goal of many persons is to someday get to the top. Whether in the public service or in the private sector, holding the top role in an organization is usually the ultimate aim. Having recognized this drive for the zenith, one wonders whether hierarchy should be treated as sacrosanct, or whether hierarchy should sometimes be ignored in the best interest of an organization. This is not a palatable thought, but in the interest of providing platforms for lasting legacies, it is a thought worth considering. Continue reading “Seat Fillers or Potential Legacies?”

Politics

Senior Advocates and a Certificate

What is the second largest movie industry in the world? Nollywood! The Nigerian counterpart of America’s blockbuster industry is an undisputable ambassador of Nigerian-ness. If literature truly mirrors life, then Nollywood dramas can be said to mirror the Nigerian life. For Nollywood, apologies to Kunle Afolayan and similar divergents, movies are dramas in multiple parts. This multi-section drama culture is playing out in Nigerian politics, the latest part being Buhari’s school certificate saga. Continue reading “Senior Advocates and a Certificate”

Change, Politics

To Serve and Protect?

The Nigeria Police Force, with the different colours worn by its officers, serves as the most obvious representation of the country’s stand against criminality, and enforcers of law and order. Whereas this noble description serves well on paper, the reality for many Nigerians is disappointingly grim. The NPF surely has a smattering of good officers, but a sizable majority of its officers have no clue what it means to “serve and protect”. The reality for Nigerians is that these bad eggs are not protectors, but purveyors of pain and death, from whom Nigerians deserve to be protected. Continue reading “To Serve and Protect?”

Change, Politics

Lessons from Ogoniland

In 1956, Nigeria joined the league of oil producing nations with the drilling of its first commercial oil well at Oloibiri in present-day Bayelsa State. This achievement was the climax of exploratory activities that began about half a century before then. The oil wells gushed out dollar notes for the nation and the oil companies. While the vested interests basked in the euphoria of rapidly swelling bank accounts, no thought was spared for the printing press that continually pumped out the dollars. Now the chickens have come to roost. Continue reading “Lessons from Ogoniland”